In order to date his loathsome girlfriend without gagging, Drinky Crow tears out his eyes and replaces them with beer goggles.

Uncle Gabby dates a girl who is looking for a cheap thrill before her wedding night, while a harem of girls who can turn into a race car try to seduce Drinky Crow.

Drinky Crow infuriates his brain by quitting drinking, Gabby dates a sexy French spy trapped in a cage, and a young syphlis with a lot to prove fights his bladder.

When Drinky Crow's girlfriend dies horribly, he decides to convert his grief into money at a marine theme park that specializes in sex, violence, and meta-humor.

Uncle Gabby gives Drinky Crow a hernia, and feels guilt for the first time in his life, so he orders an immense Monkey God from the internet.

Drinky Crow befriends a hideous freak with Proteus syndrome on a suicide hotline, and Uncle Gabby resolves to steal him away for himself.

The sleazy Maakies bar becomes gentrified and Drinky Crow is inspired to commit many horrible and gruesome murders.

Drinky Crow must solve two mysteries – where are the ship's rats coming from and where is the French spy DeBoursay hiding her atomic reactor. The two solutions are as surprising as they are disgusting.

When Peace breaks out, Drinky Crow discovers his girlfriend is expecting eggs, and joins a torture and revenge racket to make ends meet.