Oh bother, I’ve run out of human meat.

This next one’s definitely going to ruin his career.

They’re here to punch up your jokes.

He’s never thrown a Hail Mary.

Leave no package behind.

Would you rather be trapped in a castle or a relationship?

Parenting isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. Or not.

Some cliques are harder to get into than Gryffindor.

A son fights for his right to deafen.

Leighton Meester has an important message for you.

Nudity is not a style.

A whimsical tale of mediocrity.

He’s never done this before.

Stay spacey, my friends.

Why GTL when you can just go Super Saiyan?

Party like it’s 1399.

Underwear would be an improvement.

Girls on girls watching porn.

Think before you snap.

If you want to be her lover, you gotta LARP with her friends.

Planking is not a crime.

It’s the naked truth.

He’s got a lot on his plate.

Nudity is not a crime. These clothes are.

Diners, Drive-ins and Dementors.

Honor. Adventure. Pizza.

John reunites with Bob Saget for a manly look at tenderness.

An age-old rivalry finally gets settled.

Just as well-written as your 8th grade history notes.

It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.

Go ahead. Try this at home.

It’s Mr. Cook, but you can call him Tim.

Retouching what you couldn’t touch.

Minorities have it rough in this country.

Also playing in zero-D.

They’re prepared for anything. Way, way too prepared.

You meme the world to me.

The beard makes the man.

Sing a song of sadness.

For all of you Steve Slobs out there.

The only real losers are the audience.

Can Twilight save America?

Patrick sits down with real clowns for real talk about the 2012 election. And also about balloon animals.

Showtime’s new drama presents a world of lies, deceit, and homecoming.

The new board game where girls face their biggest fears: dating and death.

The only thing more dangerous than dragons is yourself.

Butler stays abreast of Maggie Smith’s love life.

The news every father dreads hearing… without his friends around to also hear it.

Did you ever wonder what the people in your yoga class were thinking?

Jesus has trouble stealing attention away from the Bloomin’ Onion.

Nobody likes talking about the birds and bees.

There’s only one thing more important than the fate of the world.

Starbucks is reversing its bathroom policy.

Sexy models caught in their natural environment: unnatural environments.

The biggest financial scam in history is revealed.

Hopefully they’ll make a Portal 3 so this song can be in the ending credits.

More money, more privacy problems.

When it comes to scoring with the ladies, no one does it like Ryan Gosling.

It’s cats vs. dogs in a video game battle for pet supremacy. Dog Wins!

It’s cats vs. dogs in a video game battle for pet supremacy. Cat Wins!

Only a viral video can make Congress understand what’s it’s like to go through sex wearing a condom.

For Bruce Banner, there’s no such thing as safe sex.

Your local zoo presents a live glimpse of nature at its most dysfunctional.

When Maggie Smith’s teacup goes handle-less, everyone’s a suspect.

Because it’s easier than going to jail. Sort of.

From the makers of Bud Platinum comes Budweiser Good. It’s fine.

Join us as we celebrate the world’s coolest religion – after Jedi, of course.

In a thumb war, Kevin and Murph face-off to see who keeps their clothes on.

More Pulitzers than any other pile of scrap paper.

It’s Star Wars meets Xbox 360 meets Back to the Future meets your worst nightmare.

America can’t just neuralyze away the regret from wasting Memorial Day weekend on a threequel.

You don’t only YOLO once.

LeBron James developed his talent, and his bad habits, at an early age.

The Modern Family star breaks skulls and language barriers.

Barack Obama can’t be the only President who inhaled, right?

The finest vintage money can buy. Your money, anyway.

The wedding industry’s leading dresser of dudes has this ad spot for their ingenious business model you can’t escape.

As seen on FOX Seuss.

The pop singer’s derriere strikes out on its own independent carriere.

Kevin or Murph must become a one-man army and play paintball against the US Army’s Delta Destroyers.

If you thought the erotic trilogy couldn’t get any sexier then you were correct.

An army of one too many.

The world is divided into two halves: the bacon and the bacon eaters.

Adam and Jamie question organized religion – the fun way.

Gun laws in the United States are incredibly controversial, so let’s sort them out with the ultimate test case for how difficult it is to get yourself a dangerous firearm.

The truth is out there – or maybe that’s just your finger over the lens.

A Minecraft player meets his worst nightmare: pixelated hippies.

Negotiations drag on.

The Good Book has some bad writing.

She loves the little hell-raisers.

Support marriage equality – or else.

Parting is such sugary sweet sorrow.

Think before you post, America.

You can’t change your destiny. It just feels too damn good.

There’s no place like home for the holidays, no matter how much you wish there were.

As many missteps as the prequels.

Who ordered the chicken skins?

Clear eyes, full barks, can’t lose.

Welcome to the site where bromances are born.

What did she ever do to them?

We explore the similarities between these two fragile relationships.

The classic TMNT theme gets the Michael Bay treatment.

It’s the summer event that’ll have you spending $100 a day to stand in a field.

You’re going to break your neck anyway, why not have fun doing it?

The most cringe-inducing words in the English language, together at last!

Just call it a spin on red beans and rice.

When pizza’s in an ice cream, you can eat pizza anytime.

You can practically taste the tucked-in Tommy Bahama.

Angry passengers create turbulence for the airlines.

HBO’s female viewers argue for a little more genital equality.

Technology commercials need an upgrade.

For ages 8 and up, and up, and up…

Is “Ocean Charge” a drink or a shampoo? What about “Ice Storm”?

Your partner may be gone, but your dignity doesn’t have to be.

Taking a huge shit is like giving birth: difficult, physically demanding, but in the end, kind of beautiful.

Flummoxed by neckties? Just watch this simple how-to video, you manchild.

Move over, strippers – there’s a new game in town.

Just dinner, fun, drinking, dancing, dying, fucking, murder.

A game of Truth or Dare makes these girls reveal more than they thought they would.

It’s like my body knows – it just knows.

For girls with big boobs, wearing a sports bra is like trying to contain an earthquake in a cup.

The CH cast plays Russian Roulette with water balloons filled with water and cologne!

Discover the secret to my amazing body.

The folks at BuzzFeed challenged us to a game of Fruitball. This is our response. (Spoiler: We’re way better.)

Can you make it through the whole thing?

Have a shitty friend? Set them up with another shitty friend!

Helluva way to start a hunting trip.

Don’t do it!

‘Tis the season of hiber-dating.

Other than doggy style.

Advice from a girl who was recently dumped and totally doesn’t mind at all, you guys.

It’s cold as a witch’s teat. Or a regular girl’s teat.

A guide to making your furry friend even more purr-fect.

Because “it’s all like, bullshit dude”.

The climax is gonna be out of this world.

Every November he swears he’ll change.

Douchebags are an occupational hazard.

Who can tell?

Adam is here to tell you why everything you know is wrong.

Who’s a good voyeur? You are!

If the best thing about your childhood was a TV show, maybe it was already ruined.

He likes football, cold beer, and not having a shred of originality.

If you feel like a failure, it’s probably because you relatively are.

Organized religion freaks me out, but this is kind of cool.

Sorry, but your Grandpa was a creep.

A truly revolutionary product.

We can’t all be Jon Snow.

He’s got an ego the size of Donkey Kong.

You can’t afford to buy the Apple Watch. She can’t afford to feed her kids.

The world’s most adorable/perverted game show.

Because the most luxurious treatment is the silent treatment.

In order to move out of your parents’ basement, you must first move into your parents’ basement.

In this poignant mini-documentary, find out which gets flushed away: the cake or Emily’s dreams.

Maybe some “traditions” need to no longer exist.

Where alcoholics can pose as shitty athletes.

This is why the fuck you can’t get to sleep.

Just give up. You’re an adult now.

Still less depressing than the Olive Garden.

Yeah, these are real.

If only it were that easy.

The laws of time simply do not apply to Ronda Rousey.

Because we needed to know how a sith takes a shit.

Manipulating your parents into loving you forever.

I’m just your average dork who loves makeup!

It’s a sad day when the guys you’re dating are scarier than serial killers.

Finally, a product to stop guys from asking if you’re tired.

This isn’t the YMCA.

Ain’t no party like the after party, because you never have to leave.

A nice, thick plot. And can we talk about that climax?

It’s like your throat is thirsty for air.

The sad truth about the Candy Crush Saga.

Because scamming your friends out of money isn’t just fun, it’s also sadly necessary at times.

Mind. Blown.

Great movies, super stupid names.

Here are all the really true, unexaggerated facts about periods!

Just what you might have imagined, but more Trump-y.

Only 1% of the contents are useful.

How’s that for gun control?

It’s so important to buy local, unless you don’t feel like it.

Pics or GTFO. Actually, just get the fuck out.

Just your standard older lady pocket book, with millions from J.P. Morgan.

Don’t forget the olive.

You don’t have to have money to manage it.

It’s true, fad diets have been around since the dawn of time.

The internet can be an awful place sometimes.

Pose next to a tiger or GTFO.

Why don’t you let us do the grilling so we can avoid conversation for the rest of the party?

Simple solutions to fixing up your garbage pile of an apartment.

If there’s one thing both parties can agree on, it’s that they love Paul Revere cosplay.

A/K/A: Grant Tries to Plan His Friday Night

Preaching to the high choir.

Sad! Saaaad! Very sad.

America needs you! What if we have to do a mail merge? Or build out macros in Excel?

Nothing spices up a stale relationship like meddling in the affairs of your single friends!

Watch him come.

You can never get the back pimples by yourself.

The boys explore the feminine mysteries of bicycles.

Now you too can enjoy your beautiful, creamy ranch without being treated like a trash possum.

We are duty bound to try to hump those probably-models.

Bragging about your temperament is like telling someone how cool you are.

Hint: a lot.

Tonight: your Republican dad, your uninformed mom, and your sister, a liberal arts sophomore.

We’ve got hot dogs without buns, an un-openable can of refried beans AND stuff to make s’mores.

Car maintenance is all about knowing when to call your dad.

Zillow helps you find the perfect home that you could absolutely never afford.

Why use 12 good apps when you can use one shitty app?

Definitely not three dudes who dressed up like grandmas to score free weed.

They haven’t had this much fun since the jazz.

Half-empty Splenda packets all over your kitchen counter? You might have Sad Girl House.

Seriously, nobody wants whiskey stones.

Just because you haven’t talked since high school doesn’t mean you can’t share a holiday stuffing.

First, you’re gonna need about 500 potatoes, 300 carrots, and 5 to 6 fresh humans.

It’s almost as if New Year’s Eve consistently fails to live up to our collective expectations.

He literally had a diary titled “My Struggle”.

If your picture’s a selfie it looks like you don’t have friends.

Pretty much exactly as awesome as it sounds.

The twirling spaghetti fork pairs exceptionally well with the wine purse.

Shirtless bro pics are always a red herring.

Don’t forget: this will still be a destructive, constantly shitting nightmare.

Everyone knows the pants wiener is inflated by massaging on the private areas.

Don’t worry – it’s so easy, there’s literally no reason not to do it, you entitled piece of sh*t.

The truth is powerful, and it takes constant vigilance to drown out that truth with noise.

A party guest most foul.

Just like the momentary distraction your mom used to make!

When it comes to make-up, less is muhhrrrrrrrg.

Audition? What’s that, some sort of exciting new Ford truck model?

Doing your taxes is easy if you make stuff up.

Legend has it people used to tweet tiny, comical stories, known colloquially as “jokes” or “goofs”.

I told you “Kazaam” was a different movie!

You can’t handle the merch booth.

It’s healthier to cook for yourself! Right?

I’ll have the “corking fee”.

Take that, student loans!

Oh, a problem with my account? Well, prepare for a tantrum that blames you personally.

Dream Phone was SO heteronormative.

He eats lighters.

What’s a couple hours of sleep every night for love?

Boy meets grill.

Why don’t we both get something, and we can share?

Oh, yeah, fit that injured puppy with a lil’ prosthetic leg.

Is this blackmailer’s evidence of you looking fucking hot or committing a crime?

Ok, they’re gay. Now, for a super chill, totally laid-back way to just like CASUALLY hint that you are too or whatever.

New from Chompsky’s: All the shameful self-hatred of eating peanut butter with a spoon, in the convenience of a potato chip!

Sure, it’s a little messy, but there are so many places to ash!

It’s not every day you meet all 6 of your soulmates at once.

Wait a minute, all this crap I’ll never use is free? Sign me up. Sign-ups are free, right?

Good god, making a man watch a whole baseball game? In one sitting? The Geneva Convention exists for a reason, you savages!

You may have never actually worked out on this exercise machine, but at least you broke a sweat moving it in and then throwing it out?

Your crappy hometown is the #1 tourist destination for every traveler that needs to go there so their parents aren’t sad!

Every Thursday, I’ve got a thing at 7:30 after work, and it takes me 37 minutes to get there? That’s why I go to the Awkward Amount of Time Station!

I am woman, hear me roar! Whoa, that was a really loud roar, so sorry about that.

The world is really going to shit, and now’s the time to do something. Or maybe we’ll wait until it gets even shittier?

Much of the food was provided thanks to Squanto (my roommate’s work friend’s DJ name).

People have been buying bowls in a store since the beginning of stores and bowls. Isn’t it time for a change?

Some people call them a crime against God, other people call them just plain delicious.

Watch out. This Thanksgiving dinner is covered in live opinions.

Someday you’ll paint those other 3 walls!

Who could forget perhaps Ansel Adams’ greatest work, “Dog I Saw Near Trader Joe’s”?

He’s a true loose cannon, by which we mean, not actually affiliated with the police force in any way.

One year later, and we still don’t know how tall Grant is.

It’s the best worst night of the year.

When you have a child, your bones automatically turn into sidewalk chalk.

Maybe wizards should figure out a way to conjure up Google Maps.

GET THESE THINGS OUTTA ME.

Everyone should have guns. That’s right. EVERYONE.

My phone? Couldn’t it just be a distant relative or something?

Watch The Big Boy Theory, every third Sunday at noon on NBS!

You go (to jail) girl!

I have a dream… ugh, wait, no one wants to hear about my dreams, do they?

The sport where both teams lose!

We haven’t seen it, but we sure have a lot of opinions about it.

God also clogged the toilet in the break room.

Tinder, Bumble, Hinge: all different dating apps, all crush your soul into dust.

It’s not sad, but Rekha makes sure everyone else knows that.

Is life even worth living without the precious, precious trash in your backpack?

Rekha, Siobhan, Ally and Jessica try to figure out when the right time is to start licking the plate. There’s SUCH A STIGMA about licking the plate too early in a relationship!

Raph and Jess say Rekha is too good to date their friends, because for some reason they are best friends with terrible, terrible people.

It’s time to gather everybody – absolutely everybody – to fight Thanos.

You’re welcome, ladies.

Dope, dope, dope.

Nothing’s “cool” about war. Except for that one laser gun. That thing kicks ass. Hell yeah.

Because it’s the least they could do. Literally. It’s pretty much the actual, mathematical, least.

Grant is here to give you five helpful tips on making the most of your extremely solitary meals.

As someone in a happy relationship who has no clue what you’re talking about, here’s my advice.

I don’t pay taxes because I’m a revolutionary, not because I’m too lazy to figure out how to do it.

Chompsky’s invents new reasons for women to be embarrassed—and the products to fix them.

Slide into the DMs: the only game show where we cannot legally show you the prize.

Their apartments are basically the same, except for one of them being “condemned by the city”.

Daddy like? No, seriously, what does he like?

Daddy like—a little too much.

Can you throw our ball back, Katie? Well? Can you?

America has spoken, and it wants TV that’s more divisive than ever.

Jess is the mother of four beautiful, bouncing, adult comedy writers.

I’ve never been funny before, but I’ll try it right now, on the most important day of your life.

Relationships come and go, but a franchise is forever.

We even added subtitles, cuz we know what you’re doing.

Thank god that Rekha noticed Trapp had no case on his phone. If she hadn’t, who knows how long this negligence would have gone on.

Honestly, even calling it beer is a bit of a stretch.

Black Panther really started a hip new trend!

Just think about what your sister and mom have to deal with. They don’t deserve that. Other people might. I don’t know them. Whatever. That’s their deal. Have you seen Ballers?

It’s like a hipper, sexier version of the Bank of America app. That’s what kids want, right?

If you want to be a real MAN’S MAN, you better shut down all your feelings! Live your life terrified of showing any weakness! Clench your jaw literally your entire life!

Stage Six: Hats. So many hats.

Head back to school in style with these fashions that scream “I am a student”.

All businesses have a growing period! We’re just growing downwards! Impressively fast!

Why do an investigation when @Disturbdfan420 already knows everything you could possible need?

Forget the NES Classic, SNES Classic, Playstation Classic, the School Computer Classic has everything from Bugdom to, uh, Bugdom!

Rekha is in the market… the market of secrets. And she’s looking to sell, for a very reasonable price… that she won’t say out loud.

Waking up with Twitter is like waking up to flock of singing birds outside your window except they’re not singing they’re screaming and a surprising amount of the birds are Nazis.

Why would you not want to be terrified?! What else are you going to watch, videos of people hugging?

This halloween, all the good apps, bad apps, and apps that are kind of both are here to trick-or-treat at Trapp’s house!

“The hardest job in the world is being Kanye’s social media manager, easy.” – single mothers

Katie’s lavish Thanksgiving feast is just as good whether it’s served on plates or in coffee filters and an empty Chapstick tube.

Grant and Ally are here to evaluate Raph’s Thanksgiving performance.

Football is good, old-fashioned fun. However, this fun does cause degenerative brain disease.

Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time! The time being two weeks paid vacation, with early pension and luxury accommodations.

With a little bit of math, and a little bit of teaching, Raph can tell you how to STOP. TEXTING. AT 5 IN THE MORNING.

Some elves make Red Rider BB guns, some elves forge artillery for the gods.

Finally, Tumblr’s returning to its family-friendly roots, like BDSM (Buddies Doing Social Media)!

See more from everyone’s favorite family values spokesman who doesn’t know what breastfeeding is.

Nothing like a confusing cocktail of love, nostalgia, and stress.

This is a sketch about getting fingered at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve. Enjoy!

THIS WHOLE THING IS BUILT ON LIES.

Hey, at least hell’s got an open bar.

For too long, workout apps have been too obsessed with actually working out, and not with the fact that you actually have a lot going on right now.

Who are these buff men running about during my celebration of capitalism? They’re not even doing anything funny!

Raph stars in another top-notch sketch about the difficulties of spelling over the phone, from the folks here at Charlie Hotel.

All the good guys are taken or died in the Civil War, amirite?!

He likes to choose his words very carefully, but not exactly.

Do you even know what a “schmekel” is??

Ever since Brennan moved to the West Coast, he can’t handle sub zero temperatures. SOFT!

Can you write me a prescription for that one thing that bothers me every day but I do nothing about?

The sport where spooning matters.

The rest is history.

Who truly understands the difference between a joke, a prank, and a lie?

Why finish the story you started when you could do literally anything else?

Great enough to satisfy even the biggest fans.

Everything I’ve ever read about average penis size leads me to believe some of you may be lying.

Tax season is upon us, and it’s time to reconsider your politics… unless you don’t make six figures.

On this blessed 4/20, all the good little stoners wake up to dank gifts & ganja from the Weed Man.

As a woman of color, it’s your job to talk only about that & nothing else you’ve ever accomplished.

Try Realistic Dream Phone to find even more emotionally unavailable guys to maybe talk to!

You’ve been drinking literal beetle juice.

The radical new way to slurp your mayo is totally tubular (as in, it’s a tube).

If you didn’t want to see a show, why did you come to the theater?

Nobody needs to hear a 30-year-old reminisce on their experiences in a high school play.

Here you’ll find all the potions, poisons, & chai you could never want.

It’s time to move on from your dependency, until you find the next TV show you can’t trust.

She wants you to eat ALL OF IT.

He’s a war profiteer who pays less in taxes than his secretary.

Do you dare call your feminine content nerdy? The Council of Nerdy Things is here to decide.

How can white people be expected to remember things that aren’t other white people?

Know exactly where someone’s plagiarized personality and bad takes came from, with Shazam for BS!

George R.R. Martin better start looking for a new gig, because Bran can do beautiful flip kicks now.

A heartwarming tale of… terrible people?

Technology has always been scary and evil.

You control this narrative, and you’re still the villain of it.

Freezing inside, boiling outside: you never get to be comfortable!

College is about exploring, from sex to sewing a man’s head to a dog.

Garbage is what it is, and that’s where it belongs.

If you can scrounge for it in the trash like a little raccoon, it’s not worth buying in a store.

Some light spanking would really get this hostage situation going.

She loves to hate it and hates to love it.

You can’t send cast members to their torture dungeon with something cliche like “Infinite Jest”.

From school shootings to poor healthcare, Alabama offers many post-natal ways to abort children.

How else will people know if an animated character is a girl?

We’ve got to understand the sick freaks live-streaming their lives, in order to stop them.

We could finally get something done about climate change!

It was a different time!

Your friend hates your guts but is too much of a coward to tell you.

Meet the inspirational queen slaying the glass ceiling and terrorizing her employees.

Raph is back with helpful hints to know when you’re entirely unqualified to tell anyone what to do.

No one is going near those belongings on your watch!

It’s important to tell stories about diverse groups, and that they be played by… Scarlett Johansson?

Everyone has to sit and wait while the baby piggy eats its sugar bombs.

Nothing is more stressful than the wine list.

What are you going to do? Switch to Android?

Giving directions is what dads do - even for places you don’t want to go!

If you apply yourself and focus, you CAN turn caps lock off.

You don’t have to be a tech detective to do a quick internet search.

You’re ruining this party by committing too hard to your costume!

Don’t bring Tik Tok into this!

Nothing is scarier than Halloween on a weeknight.

Ordering fries really isn’t as evil as poison gas.

Why donate those clothes when they could sit in the back of your car forever?

Rules are meant to be broken! Even if that means some planes crash.

Wow all my friends have done so much this year, and I… paid rent?

Save up your allowance! Juul is introducing new ways to experience your favorite vape brand.

We can’t ALL be thankful for family!

Brennan is taking seven flights, two cruises, and a Mars expedition to make the holidays perfect.

You can’t just throw around the term “gundam” about any mech you see! Also, Jess is cancelled.

The Jellicles have a hard time finding furever homes, who knows why? Maybe a song will help!

What do you want? What reaction are you trying to get? What made you this way?

Every year he says he’s going to get revenge, but then he gets “too busy”.

Pain is pain, unless your friends are trying to “relate” to you. They don’t know what pain is.

Medical records are so easy to find, it’s like they want us to look!

Have some sympathy for the singles in your friend group.

When someone goes missing, you just want to know they’re safe…and normal. Like, no weird pepperoni stuff.

Can’t wait to see Monorail: Endgame next year!

Sommeliers vs. some terriers.

This “Bernie” guy keeps emailing me saying he “needs my help”! What a nutjob!

You stuff a FEW thousand kids into cages and suddenly everyone hates you???

Statistically, koalas are more likely to have chlamydia than people, sooooooooo…

The oncoming ecological apocalypse is the best way to make sure you don’t have kids!

You survived a deadly shooting on school grounds - can you also survive applying for college?

Spotify isn’t ready for a playlist THIS extreme.

To hunt a killer, you first must understand their watering routine.

We can all have a little break, as a treat.

Everyone (except me) has a big sacrifice to make.

The hottest show in town for ugly shoes and too many straps.

Only Apple knows how to think outside the box…by exclusively thinking within rounded ones.

The gang gets back together to go through Lost & Found items, and also Kyle’s here (but just to watch).

We love that the streaming industry has become a Who’s On First? riff.

Can you solve this videoconference mystery?

A country anthem for our doomed country.

Should you not dine indoors while sometimes wearing masks? Prossibly.

Worried about the Opposite Man? Don’t worry - feel the opposite of that!

Choose the pro. Be pro choice.

Well, not including everything he’s done since this video was uploaded, I guess.

A song about putting Jeff Bezos’ $200 billion fortune into context.

Brian Huskey and CollegeHumor alumni are back for another quarantine-inspired “Google Is a Guy”.

Your upvote counts.

A picture is worth a thousand swipes.